Friday, August 22, 2008

Ten jokes

Rowing boat
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles!
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.


2. Hero
In New York park, a young boy was attacked by a savage dog.
A passer-by happened to see that and came to the rescue.
Having tackled the dog, he strangled it to death, and saved the young boy.A reporter for a newspaper watching all this and took snap shots for a front page picture in the next day's paper.

Approaching our hero he says: "Your heroic feat shall be published in tomorrow's paper under the headline: Brave New Yorker rescues boy".

"I"m not from New York" replied our brave hero.

The reporter said: "Oh in that case we'll change the headline to - Brave American rescues boy from savage dog".

"I'm not American either" replied our brave hero, "I am a Pakistani".

The next day, the headline on the front page of the paper said:
"Muslim Fundamentalist strangles an innocent American dog to death in New York Park.
The FBI are investigating possible link to the Al-Qaeda."

Birthday Party
Why I fired my secretary ?
Two weeks ago was my 50th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Helen said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Helen knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday; let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch.We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two drinks and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my place."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Paul, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about five minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I

sat... on the couch

.. Naked.

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